bom waktu

wah... perjalanan panjang di malaysia hampir abisss... uda kaya bom waktu nih,, tinggal 87 jam lagi gw ga menginjak tanah tempat gw mengalami naik turunnya kehidupan..

gile banget,, awal semester saya di sini sangat menyebalkan... di mana gw menolak orang2 di skitar gw dan memilih untuk depend on myself rather to believe others.. even my closest friends at that time.. i guess, i was shock living all alone.. that makes me broke the friendship i had with some of my friends.. nyesel ya nyesel lho.. but,, i think i learnt from it.. it's never been easy to accept it,, but i tried..

along the way,, i started to make friends with new people from my class.. they're great,, but,, we didn't really get so close,, once again it is because of the gap i always make.. i don't know why.. i guess i don't want people to get to know me so well.. hehe,, but i do believe in my friends and demand a lot from them.. that what makes me always disappointed with them.. which i know i don't have the right to do so.. anyway,, setelah temenan 3 tahun,, gw ngerasa jd lebih cuek soal temen,, jangan terlalu demand a lot dan jangan terlalu percaya dan jangan mengharapkan banyak dari temen yang gw anggep uda spesial.. mgkn karena gw banyak kecewa,, gw terlalu naif akan dunia ini.. gw slalu merasa smuanya pasti baik dan benar,, tp nyatanya kebalikannya.. haha,,gw merasa gw jadi belajar untuk mengeraskan hati nurani gw.. supaya lebih cuek,, gw ga tau sih itu bener ato ga.. tp kok dunia memang ga sebaik apa yang gw bayangkan ya.. tapi kalo dunia itu jahat gw ga tau gw bisa kuat ato ga,, gw takut sakit di stiap jalan yang gw ambil.. karena gw ngerasa smuanya akan happy ending dan akan baik2 saja.. gw ga tau bisa kuat ngehadepin bos yang menekan gw stiap hari.. ato punya temen yang menusuk gw dari belakang.. ato bahkan punya temen yang dari dulu keliatan baik dan dekat tapi sebenrnya dia sebel ama gw,, even that small matters hurts me a lot..

anyway,, di malaysia jg gw convert jadi kristen.. erm,, well.. gw ga tau mo ngmg apa ttg ini.. sometimes gw sedih kalo ngomongin ini,, family matters,, they're all catholic,, it just hurts me when i remember abt this issue.. well.. i learnt a lot from my church,, ISCF now FGCC,, erm.. after 2 years serving,, my eyes are opened too.. that even in church not everything is good and not everything is right.. even the church are bringing God's name.. but human are still human.. i faced with many very interesting and different people.. well,, being known as a church person is not easy also.. some of my friends may see me with one closed eye,, some may think why i did so many thing for the church? many says bad stuff,, i know.. and because of it i lost some of my friends too.. sometimes i asked was it worth it? i hope so.. i know my God is great and His blessings are just so real.. gw ga bisa hindarin itu.. but,, to be honest there are things that i regret from it too.. but i can't say it here,, because you are reading this..

it's kind of funny being here now. sitting in my silence room,, typing stories for my blog. knowing in 2 and a half days i'll be gone from here, forever. where do i go from here. i don't know. one thing for sure i really want to go from here. i want to start a new day where all the things i did wrong here, i do it right later.. (crossing my fingers and praying hard)